Spare Change

What is it about fear of something new or unknown?  I mean, why did I get so anxious when asked to teach for the first time?  What is it that causes me to get fearful when I think about the real possibility that God is calling me to change occupations?  Or better yet maybe move my family?  As a follower of Christ, I know that being fearful is not the design of God for my life;

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.               (2 Timothy 1:7)

What makes it worse is that even when I see the Lord deliver me from fear over and over, I still find myself getting worked up about that next move, presentation, or test.  This week, I got the first hand experience of watching Colby overcome a fear and celebrate in the freedom that came with its defeat.  As his father, I at first thought it would be a perfect teaching moment for him, but as usually, God has used it more to teach me.

For the past two years, since starting preschool, Tara and I have always walked Colby into school.  There has always been the option of just dropping him off at the front door, but he had always shown so fear of doing so.  I really hadn’t pushed the subject to much because honestly I liked walking him in each morning.  We would generally say a pray for his day and it provided me an opportunity to get to know some of his fellow classmates and teachers. But recently, Tara and I had both noticed that Colby seemd to be getting more and more uncomfortable with change.  I though this could be a good opportunity for him to experience a change in his normal routine. 

So, a few weeks ago, I started dropping the idea of us dropping him off at the front door.  He really didn’t bite at all, but I kept pressing a little more and more.  He still didn’t bite.  Then this week I told him on Monday that he WAS going to be dropped off at least one day during the week.  I was going to give him the opportunity to pick, but it wasn’t up for discussion.  He didn’t agree with the plan, but every morning I would asked him if this was the day he wanted to give it a try.  Let’s just say that when I asked him which day he had picked, he responded with “NEVERday”  (which I actually chuckled at!)

But then something happened on Wednesday as we turned into the parking lot.  I asked him one last time.  He said “NEVER” as with the pervious couple days.  Then I asked him why?  And he said he was afraid.  I jumped all over that and responded “Do you believe I would ask you to do something that I know you couldn’t do or would hurt you?”  I don’t know if he just needed to hear me say that or what, but he looked up and told me he would give it a try.  The next thing I know we pulled up and one of his Principals opened the door.  Colby jumped out, turned and walked right in.  In fact, when asked if he wanted to “say goodbye to Dad”, he didn’t even turn around.  As I drove off, I watched him and his batman backpack disappear into the school from my rear view mirror.  For a moment I wanted to stop, run into the school, and make sure everything was okay.  But I didn’t.  I had confiedntly told him that he could do it.  Walking in behind him would have shown him differently.

As expected, walking about 20 yards on your own is not as scary as Colby though it was.  As with us silly adults, generally once you face the fear, you realize it’s was nothing to fear in the first place.  Colby has since requested that “Dad NEVER walk him into school again” and I have dropped him off that last two days. 

Since Wednesday, I have had a couple opportunities to joke with Colby about how silly it was for him to be afraid.  I have reminded him that he can “trust” me and his mom.  I have tried to explain that our relationship with God is much the same.  He loves us, wants us to overcome fear, and trust in His guidance.  But as I studied a little this week, I have realized that I am selling God way short when I teach Colby this way.  Just look at Isaiah 41 and Deuteronomy 31:

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

God totally loves Colby just as I love him.  He totally wants him to overcome fear, just as I want him to overcome fear.  And God totally wants Colby to trust in His guidance, just as I want Colby to trust my fatherly guidance.  But, God gives Colby something that I can’t as a father.  God gives Colby the promise that he will go with him, holding his hand if needed, forever.  As much as I love Colby, I can’t (and won’t) be there all the time.  God can though and I sorely need to make sure Colby knows and recognizes that.   Why rely on Dad, when you have God!

Sounds simple doesn’t it.  It’s definetly not as complicated as I make it.  I scratch my head almost daily as I find myself getting worked up about something.  I am getting better at recognizing those fears, but that doesn’t mean I don’t exhaust much energy on them.  The truth, as I have learned this week, is that I often place to much trust on myself, rather than relying on my Lord and my God, who is waiting for me to give him my right hand.

God Bless!  Bo