Spare Change

Last night, Tara and I were sitting in bed reflecting on our evenings, when Tara started to tell me a story.  She had talked to one of her best friends, Carrie Beth, and they had chatted about Carrie Beth’s recent trip to Chicago.  Carrie Beth and her husband had joined a handful of friends who traveled to Chicago to compete in a mini-marathon (I know, I know….who would want to run for 13 miles?? well, apparently like 20,000 people did…crazy isn’t it!!!).  Before and after the race, the couples jumped around the city shopping, eating, and just site seeing.  It was a great weekend for all and one that Tara and I have secretly wished we were apart of (sans the running part!)

But as Carrie Beth reflected on the trip, she had a good laugh with my wife about how some of the guys got a bit tired and became what we like to call ‘Crabby Bo.’  You see, Tara and I have been on a number of trips with Carrie Beth and generally there are a number of times where I had become irritated, frustrated, or just plain anger.  Usually the result was the appearance of “Crabby Bo.”  Crabby Bo was a alternate personality of mine and one who had quite the temper, was short with his wife and kids, and generally not too fun to be around.  Most of my friend had become way to accustomed to “Crabby Bo” over the years and could usually see him coming.  Most of my friends would try to distance themselves, while my wife would try to weather the storm.  For most friends and even myself, it has actually become some what of a joke for us to laugh about afterward and when we see someone going through a fit, we say they are just channeling their inner “Crabby Bo.”

BUT…the funny thing is that Crabby Bo hasn’t been around to much lately.  And last night when we shared a little laugh about my wife’s conversation, I quickly found myself saying, “but Crabby Bo is dead.”  I really didn’t intend to say it out loud, but it just came out.  And I felt kinda weird saying it.  Did a part of me really die?  My wife apparently thought so because she quickly said, “I know he has.”  And based upon her tone, she was happy about it.

I turned over to sleep and begin to give thanks to my Lord.  This has been a process of time, but as I told a group of guy friends last night, I feel like the Lord is remaking me overnight.  You see, I began praying for God to “refine my character” over a year ago.  I asked him to take away Crabby Bo and the many “Bo Fits” that came with him.  I was beginning to see my son display the same behavior and it all kinda culminated when my wife looked my in the eye and told me she was scared of my temper at times.

I remember digging through the Bible and searching for God’s direction on how to make the appropriate changes.  I remember looking on Amazon for books to be a better dad, husband, and leader.  I wanted something that I could do and read, which would just fix me.  But the truth was I just needed to SUBMIT to letting God change me.

This past Sunday, as I heard Pastor Jeff preach on the discipline of prayer and  Philippians 4:6, God reminded me that only after I prayerfully submitted my desire to change, did He grant my request.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Wanting “Crabby Bo” to leave wasn’t the answer.  Being dependent upon God and asking Him asking Him to change me into a “New Bo” was.

So last night I finally said what many others have been mentioning.  I have changed.  My relationship at home has changed.  My temper has changed.  Honestly, I have recognized the changed, but have been a little afraid to say it out loud.  I didn’t want to set myself up to slip.  But the truth is that I should proclaim it.  And I should give the Glory to God for it is a testament of His role in my life.

I know am going to slip up, and if you saw me this past Sunday morning with Colby, I did slip up.  But Crabby Bo as many have known Him is GONE.  And I really don’t miss him….

God Bless, Bo